55. 5 Tips to Help You Make Time for Service and Volunteering

Time! We all wish we had more of it! Especially when it comes to serving and helping others, many of us feel we wish we had time to do more of those good things we’ve felt inspired or nudged to do. In this episode I’m sharing some of my thoughts on time and submitting the idea that we are more in control than we think.  I talk about the famous ‘Good Samaritan’ study done back in the 70s that looked at this concept of serving others and time, and I’m sharing 5 tips to help inspire you on how to make time for service and volunteering in your life.

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Transcript

Melissa: Time. We all wish we had more of it, especially when it comes to serving and helping others. Many of us might feel we wish we had time to do more of those good things we felt inspired or nudged to do. So, in this episode, I'm sharing some of my thoughts on time and submitting the idea that we are more in control than we think. I talk about the famous Good Samaritan study done back in the seventies that looked at this concept of serving others and time. And I'm also sharing five tips to help inspire you on how you can make time for service and volunteering in your life. Welcome to the do Something more podcast, a service oriented show where we highlight the helpers who inspire us all to do something more. I'm your host, Melissa Draper. Thank you so much for being here. Hello and welcome to another episode of the podcast. This is episode 55. Today it's just going to be Melissa talking about this topic of making time for service and volunteering. I'm really excited to discuss this and to share some of my ideas and also tips on how you can make time for service in your life if that is something that is important to you that you wanted to do. Before we get into the episode, I just want to give that friendly reminder. If you want to show the podcast some love, you can follow the podcast, click that follow button, share an episode that you have loved with a friend, or leave a review. All of those help the podcast to be seen by new eyes and others that might be wanting to listen to this kind of content. And any of those mean so much to me. So this topic today I was excited to talk about because something that I think a lot of people feel that want to do good, that want to serve in their communities, that want to make a difference, a big factor is time, right? We all live busy lives. And the reason I initially thought of the idea for doing this episode is because I learned several months ago I was listening to an audiobook that mentioned this famous study done back in the seventies that's kind of been nicknamed the Good Samaritan study. And yes, it was just a few months ago that I first heard about this study, but it's pretty popular. So I'm guessing if maybe some of you that took psychology 101 in college I did not might know about this study. But for anyone that's not familiar with it, I just want to go over the basics of this good Samaritan study and why it matters and comes up when we're talking about making time for service and volunteering. So the technical name of this study was called from Jerusalem to Jericho, a study of situational and dispositional variables in helping behavior. That was the technical name of the study. But like I said, it's been nicknamed the Good Samaritan study. You can go google that and find all sorts of thoughts and things that people have shared. But basically, this study wanted to look at the psychology of helping or serviceable behavior, what influences people to do good things for others. And when they did this study, they decided to do students that were studying in Princeton's theological seminary. So students at Princeton who were studying to be priests. So these were religious students, people that you would assume naturally want to help others if they're going into that profession of being a priest. And I would also think maybe people that are hardworking or ambitious if they're studying at Princeton. Right? So in this study, as I said, they wanted to see if dispositional or situational factors affected whether individuals want to help someone. So dispositional, meaning who you are, the qualities you have, your characteristics, etcetera. And situational, meaning what happens in the moment, your environment, what's going on around you or in your life, and which of those factors makes someone more likely or less likely to serve. So, in the experiment, the participants were first asked to fill out surveys assessing whether their motivations for being religious were intrinsic or extrinsic. So intrinsic is that kind of inner, I want to help people, I want to do good in the world comes from inside you. Extrinsic is being motivated by external factors. So I want to get into heaven, or I want to be seen as a good person might be extrinsic. So they asked and had them fill out a survey looking at those two things, and they then split the participants into two groups. Half the participants were told to prepare a speech on job opportunities, while the other half we're told to prepare a speech about the Good Samaritan. So the Good Samaritan is a story that Jesus Christ told in the Bible about a man who needed help and he was passed by by a Levite and a priest, but eventually helped by a good Samaritan. It's the gist of that story, if you're not familiar with it. I think most people are. It's one of the most famous stories ever told. So after writing their speech on one of these two topics, the participants were then told to travel to a different building on the campus to give their speech. But then here's where the kind of rigged part of the experiment comes into play. So, unbeknownst to the participants. The researchers assigned them to one of three groups. Some were told that if they left immediately to go give their speech, they would be early. Others were told if they left right, then, they would be on time. And the remainder were told that they were already late and needed to hurry. So, along the path to the building where they gave their speech, each of these participants ran into a stranger who had fallen in an alleyway. The stranger coughed and moaned, signaling that they needed help. And again, the whole situation was rigged, and the stranger was someone hired to help with the study. And then researchers had a scale as they watched students. So, from zero to five of whether they even failed to notice the victim in need, perceived need, but did not offer any help, did not stop, but helped indirectly by maybe telling someone on their arrival, hey, I think there's someone back there that needs help. And then number three was, they stopped and asked the victim if they needed help. Four was, after stopping, insisted on taking the victim inside, then left them. And then five was refused to leave the victim or insisted on taking him somewhere. So they had a scale where they ranked the helping that they did. And that was the study. That was really, the study was seeing how they responded to this stranger. So, what were the results? Which participants decided to help this stranger in the alleyway? Well, overall, 40% of the participants offered some help to the stranger. So somewhere on that scale, 40%. So not even a majority. But here's how it broke down for those three groups. When the participants believed they were early for their speech, 63% of them helped the stranger when they were in moderate hurry situations where they told that they would be on time if they went straight there, 45% of them helped the stranger in the high hurry situations where they were told they were already late, only 10% stopped and helped. So even people that were on their way to give a speech about helping, about being a good Samaritan, they were still less likely to help if they were in a rush. And another really crazy finding from the study is that it seemed the dispositional factors had no bearing on their helping behavior, on what they decided to do. So people that said they were religious for intrinsic reasons, for those inner reasons, were no more likely than others were to stop to help. It was the time constraint variable that mattered a ton and made a difference in this study. Isn't that crazy? And when I first heard about that study, I at first was like, oh, my gosh, that's crazy. But then, as I thought about it, I thought, that's really not too crazy. As I think about myself and the way I behave and act in situations. So there's so many things that you could take away from that, so many things that you could discuss. I think if you went back and looked at the reasons people performed the way they did, that it wasn't cruelty that made them not want to help the stranger. It might not have even been super selfish reasons. It was just that conflicting obligations that something else that they were being pulled to could explain. And especially if they felt that time constraint, right, explained why they were less likely to help. And as you think about that, as you read the things that people have discussed about this study, one thought is that in our society, at times, we tend to think that people do the good they do because of who they are, the characteristics that they have, and why that still might be true, because many times I think those characteristics are ones that we choose to grow and to nurture. This study proves that situational factors are also very much in play on whether or not we decide to take time to help other people. And that's powerful, right? Because sometimes I think we have a lot more control over those situational factors than we think we do. And I think we have a lot more control over time and our sense of time than we think we do. So it just shows in this study, really all of those things. And, of course, that ultimate thing that we take away is how powerful that sense of time is in deciding what we do and how we act. So at this point, you might be thinking, well, duh, Melissa, of course, if I had more time, that would affect so many different things in my life, not just helping, but good things, like exercising or getting enough sleep or all of those things that we want to do more of. Right. That we feel still sometimes are so busy and our time constraints inflict on. And I just want to submit the idea that, yes, and I'm as human as anybody else. I get it. I've been there. That's why this study made sense to me. It was mind blowing at first, but then as I thought about it, I was like, no, I totally get it. I get that feeling. I get that behavior. But I want to submit that we do not have to always be slaves time, especially when it comes to doing good. So if serving is important to you, if volunteering is important to you, if making a difference is important to you, and you feel that it's time that keeps you from being able to do some of those things you've wanted to do in that way. I wanted to share some thoughts and ideas, some tips, even some stories that I think can help you have a new perspective and find ways that you can make time to do this if it feels important to you. Now, I just want to give a little caveat here. It'll stop for a minute. I have been a young mother. I have been a young mother busy with young kids. I have been a young mother who struggled with her mental health and struggle to just put 1ft in front of the other each day. So I want to say to anyone that's out there, if you are in a stage or time of life where that is you, you are doing magnificently well. You are doing so good. And maybe right now your focus is on your family, maybe right now your focus is on healing yourself. And that is completely okay. So I do not want this episode to bring out the feelings of guilt for anyone. And I completely give you permission to turn this off if that happens, and I've said this before, I've done that plenty of times. If the media I am consuming is not working, if I can fill those feelings coming on, I turn it off. I don't need that. I need the media I consume to uplift, encourage and enlighten me. So I just want to give that caveat. If you're feeling guilty, if that's feeling overwhelming, you're doing a good job. I am not using this episode to beat anybody up to say, you should make more time to do those things. No, I'm just wanting to give some ideas that if you've been saying, oh, I want to do this, I want to do more good. And time really is a factor. I just want to give you some tips. I want to give you some ideas, want to give you some thoughts, things that might be helpful to you. Let's get into it. After sharing that very interesting study that shows that, yes, time does affect how we behave, time does affect and influence if we're in a situation of wanting to give and to help. And many times we have more control over that than we think. So back in November, I did an episode on having an abundance mindset. And I think this abundance mindset can very much happen with time. We can choose to have an abundance mindset with our time, and we can realize that we are choosing all of the things that fill up our time. And if there's something else that we choose and want to be there, we can do that. We can make choices, we can tweak things to do that. So that kind of leads into my first tip. And number one is just that sense of awareness with our time. To just be aware of this tendency to always be feeling rushed, rush, rush, or I don't have time, or I just don't have time, I'm too busy, it's too much. And to realize that sometimes we are making up our importance with time. Time is important. We should be on time to things. There are things sometimes we're juggling and we've got to pay attention. But sometimes we are making time and the way we behave with it more important than it really has to be or needs to be in that moment. I want to give an example of this and tell a story of my mom and dad I've shared on this podcast before. The example my parents are to me of serving almost every philosophy I have about doing good and helping others comes from my parents and from, especially as an adult, watching my parents and the way they serve and give to others. It is who they are, it is very much a part of their life. But I want to tell this one particular story. So my mom and dad, several years ago had the opportunity to serve an 18 month mission in Spain. And this was a great opportunity. We were all excited for them to do this. And so it's traditional in our church that those before they leave on a mission get the chance to speak to the congregation. So I come from a large family, there's eleven kids in my family, and we had all come together to hear my mom and dad speak to their church congregation before leaving on their mission. We were all sitting there in the chapel with our families and we looked up there at the front and my mom and dad weren't there and we all sat and we're like, where's mom and dad? How come they haven't shown up yet? And then the meeting started. It began. We were singing the opening song and still they weren't there. And it was like, uh, this was the right Sunday, right? And then eventually, finally they came, they made their way up to the stand and sat there at the front. And later we got to hear the story of why my mom and dad were preparing to leave their home to the church service when my mom saw a neighbor and a friend coming down the street to them. And they knew this neighbor and friend, she had a flower in their hand, and this neighbor who didn't always come to the church congregation with them, but she knew it was an important day for them and had remembered it was an important day and she wanted to come and express her love to them by giving them a flower that she had from her own garden. And my mom saw her as my dad was backing out, told him to stop and knew that they needed to stop. And they stopped and talked with her and shared that love with each other and thanked her for her flower and took that time. And my mom said she was not going to rush off. She knew what it took for this friend to do this, for them, to recognize them in this way. My mom was feeling loved and seen and appreciated by her. She wasn't going to just brush her off. She was going to sit there and listen and be with her friend. And then after they did that, then they came to the church, and guess what? Life kept on going. Everything was fine. They still made it in time to give their talks. Yeah, they were a little late to the meeting, but it was okay, and it was for a good reason. And I've always remembered that since that happened several years ago, that sometimes it's okay to stop, to share that love with someone, to connect, to acknowledge this friend was serving them. And in turn, they got to serve and interact with her. And it's a beautiful reminder that, yes, sometimes we aren't as rushed as we need to be. We can stop and acknowledge, we can look around us, we can see and not always just be super tunnel visioned, focused. I gotta get to the next thing, check off the next thing on my list. And we can be aware of this tendency with time and just slow down a little bit, be a little more aware. So that's my first tip, is just awareness and being aware and being willing to stop at times, to serve, to connect, to make that difference. So along with this, and my tip number two is that while we're doing this, we need to consciously eliminate that sense of hurriedness. And I put this as a tip because this is actually something I've been working on that we just. We need to get rid of that sense of. I gotta hurry. Gotta go to the next thing. Gotta do it, gotta go. I am guilty of this, again, as anyone, but it has been so good to be aware of this and to get rid of it. And you know what? It makes us a nicer person. It makes us a kind person, even just driving, right? I am guilty sometimes of driving, of yelling at the person that cuts off or speaking out loud. And I'm actually. I am trying to do better at it. But if I eliminate that sense of hurriedness, even if I'm running late, you know, I left when I left, I'm not going to get there any faster by being a jerk and yelling at people or cutting people off. Right? And I can choose to eliminate that sense of hurriedness and get there when I get there. And I think that feeling of realizing, no, I'm good. I don't need to hurry. We're okay. We'll get it done. I've also used this in other situations. I have another story. This one's about me, where, again, I was working on eliminating this sense of hurriedness. And I was in the checkout line one day at Walmart. I had gotten into a line and was sitting there. And then the woman in front of me, there was something special going on with what she was getting. I don't know. And it was taking a while. And my first sense is what we all do. Like, oh, my gosh, this is taking a while. Why is it taking so long? And then I remember I stopped. Those started just an inkling. I didn't really, I hadn't really thought, like, oh, my gosh. I was just like, oh, this is taking a while. And then I stopped, and I was like, melissa, we're good. We don't have an appointment to be to. No one is waiting for us. We have blocked out this time to run errands to get these things done. We'll get done what we need to get done. If we have to move some of them to tomorrow or another day or ask our husband to help us, we can do that. So chill. And I did this before those feelings could even bubble up. And I was like, yeah, that's right. I don't need to be hurried. I don't need to feel that sense of, gah, gotta get to the next thing. So I chilled. I think I even pulled out my phone and checked some email, because it did, it took a while. And the woman was thanking me, and I was like, oh, it's good. We're fine. And it really was fine. I was fine. And then I got a chat with her for a little bit, which was fine, too. It was great. And then she was done, and I, the clerk there was apologizing, and I was like, oh, we're good. It's fine. I wasn't in a rush, and I really meant it because I'd consciously worked to eliminate that sense of hurriedness or those annoyed feelings that really didn't need to be there. And I talked with the woman in the checkout line, and she was like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm like, no, we're good. It's fine. And I was so grateful. I was grateful I didn't rush to another line because someone else, that wasn't a rush. Might have gotten behind that woman. So I needed to be there. I needed to be there. I needed to have that experience to chill out and to let her have the time that she needed. And then as I was in the parking lot loading my things into my car, that woman even stopped, and she was again saying, oh, thank you so much. I'm so sorry. And I was like, no, it was totally fine, because it was. Because I had decided that it was. And that's just one story. But this sense of hurriedness, I gotta get to the next thing. And sometimes we do, right? Sometimes we do. We have an appointment, or we're rushing our kids from practices and they need to be on time, and. Or we're worried sometimes, as moms, we don't want someone to think we're a flake or that we're always late to everything. I get it. We do need to do that. But I just think because we do that with so many things in our lives, I think it creeps into other areas of our lives so that we just always carry around this sense of hurriedness when. When we don't need to. When we've got time. We've got time to stop, to chill, to look around, to help that woman we see struggling with her groceries, to put them into the back of her car, to stop when someone drops all their books in front of us on the way to class and help them pick them up or whatever it might be. And eliminating that sense of hurriedness that we tend to carry around with us even when we don't need to, can really help us serve and look outside of ourselves when we're a little more chill. So that was a longer explanation, but that's my second tip. Work to eliminate that sense of hurriedness. Don't carry it around with you everywhere. You might have it with you sometimes. I get it. We got a lot of things on our schedule. I've got a full calendar, too, especially this time of year. But we don't need to carry it everywhere. We can take that sense of hurriedness off and just breathe for a minute. And when we do that, it gives us the ability to look outside of ourselves and to serve and be kind and to help other people. My next three tips are more for how to make that concrete. Volunteering you want to do or service or just being a good neighbor. How to make some time for it in your life. My first tip with that, or this is tip number three now, is to find space in your day. Find small little nuggets in your day that you could use to serve in that way. So it might be when you sit down to write some emails, you write an extra one to a teacher that has helped your child or to someone that has made a difference to you in your life. Or maybe it's when you're sitting in the pickup line to pick up your child. You send a text to someone that's been on your mind to lift them, encourage them, or help them, or someone you know is going through a hard time and could use a little extra love. Maybe it's when you, you're cleaning your bathroom or doing a task. You decide to call a friend, call a family member, or call an elderly person in your neighborhood and chat with them on the phone for a little bit just to see how they're doing and to show them some love and support. Maybe it's after dinner, you have that little space of time and you're chilling with your kids. You decide to go step outside and say hello to your neighbors that are already out there, too, or to even go and knock on their door and say, hey, how you doing? I wanted to check up on you. Here's some cookies that we made this afternoon or whatever it is. So find space in your day, those little moments to reach out to other people. I have talked on this podcast many times about the power of our words, and I really believe that's true. It's good, good service that we need more of in this world. The power of positive words, of using our words to lift and encourage and inspire those around us in personal, one on one ways. And you can find space in your day to do that, to serve in that way. Tip number four. If you want to do volunteering, maybe for an organization, or you want to serve people in your neighborhood more, or whatever it might be. Number four is to schedule it like you do anything else. We schedule all sorts of things that are important to us. We schedule our hair appointments. We schedule our gym class. We schedule whatever, right? Schedule it. Put it on your calendar with a time and then protect it and block it out. It's taken. That time is taken. It can't be filled because you're filling it with something that you want to do that matters, that's important to you. So, yes, some people might be like, well, that doesn't sound very charitable, schedule your service. But hey, if it makes it happen in your life, it is perfectly fine to schedule the service you do. I do this all the time. I do it especially with the organizations I want to serve with. I schedule it just like I would with a job or an appointment, I put it on my calendar and I protect that time. And along with this scheduling, you can schedule it with the other things that you're already doing. And I've talked about this on the podcast in different ways, but if you go and do things with your family, instead of going bowling or going to the park or going to the swimming pool or whatever it is your family likes to do, go schedule a service activity instead. Schedule that activity with your family. Make it something you all do together for date nights. You're already going on dates with your husband and you're wanting to do something together instead of going to a movie or going out to dinner or whatever you like to do together. Schedule some service, either with an organization or with people you want to go help schedule it. You're already scheduling a date night. If service matters to you, schedule a date night with service. Or again, as a girls night out, maybe you have a group of friends that you schedule a girls night out with every once in a while. Maybe you have a book group you get together with every once in a while, do a service activity together and schedule it. You're already putting those things in your calendar. Just nudge service in with them. And I think it's great. I love adding service to all the different things I'm already trying to do and put into my life that are important to me. Right? Time with my kids and activities as a family are important to me and so is service. So why not put those two important things together? Spending time with my husband is important to me and so is service. So why not group them together? Spending time with friends or getting out or even just as you time, maybe you schedule time for you to just do things on your own to get a little you time. Maybe some of you are like, whatever, Melissa, I don't have time for that. Well, maybe you should make time for that. Go do some service. Schedule it. Put it in your calendar and protect it. There are so many things in your life you do that with, right? I just got my hair cut. I go see someone. She is scheduled way out. She's really popular. Curly cut stylist. So let me tell you, when I put those hair cutting appointments on my calendar, I protect them. Nothing is going to replace that because it's time that I've found that I can get into my stylist and I really like her. Right? I protect it. There's lots of other things I do that with, and I know there's lots of things you do that with. So service is important to you. Do it with that, too. Even if it's once a quarter, even if you start with just here and there, schedule it, put it in there, put it in there early so that you can have the opportunity to do that and then protect it and honor that time. Kind of along with that. My last tip, number five, is to make service part of your routine. When you make it part of your routine, of the things you're already doing, that can be another way to make time for service and volunteering. So examples with that, maybe you have a lunch break that you take every once in a while with work, and once a month you do some service with an organization, maybe something over the computer or something simple that's near your work. I see organizations actually do this quite frequently where they will do this with their employees and they'll have scheduled service together. But you can put that in there yourself, too. Or maybe you say one Saturday a month, our family is going to do a service project because this is important to us, this matters to us, and we're going to just make it part of our routine. Or again, maybe you say on one night a week after dinner, I'm going to reach out and connect with someone and give them some positive encouragement, or just connect and serve them in any way I feel inspired to do. Maybe it's over the phone, through a text, through an email. Maybe it's my neighbor in person. And that's just part of my routine. That's just something I do. I know a lot of people do it on Sundays. I do it on Sundays. My husband loves to make bread. Lots of times he makes multiple loaves on a Sunday and he'll have an extra loaf, and I or him or both of us together will go take that to someone to serve them, show our love to them, and share some bread. And it's kind of part of that routine. When he makes bread, he makes an extra one. We go take it to someone. It's just built in to the routine of him making bread. He loves making bread, so why not tap on the service with it? So those are my ideas. Hopefully I gave you some things to think about in your own life of making time for service. So my first tip was just awareness. Be aware of that tendency to make time more important than it needs to be and realize that you do actually have time. There are moments you can slow down and help and be aware. And along with that is my tip number two, to eliminate that sense of hurriedness. Because we live in a busy, scheduled lives, we have a tendency to always be carrying that sense of hurriedness with us, and we need to drop it sometimes. And as we do that, that will help us look around and be a little more aware of those people that could use our kindness and our help. Number three, if you want to serve or volunteer, consider just using the power of your positive words and find small spaces in your day to reasonably do that and to fit that in. Number four is to schedule it. Schedule all sorts of things that are important to us. It's okay to schedule the service. You do, the volunteering that you do, too. And number five is to make it part of your routine. Make it part of your regular, weekly, monthly, even daily schedule if you want. And as you make it part of your routine, it just becomes more a part of who you are and what you do. Doesn't feel as stressful to try and fit it in. It's just there. It's part of your routine. It's what you do. Those are some of my tips. Of course, my list is not all inclusive, so I would love to hear any feedback on this. You can send me an email or comment on the social media channels of ways that you've been able to make time for service and volunteering in your life. And again, I just want to say that I do think we have a lot more control and power over this than we think. We do not have to be slaves of time. We get to choose the things we want to put in our lives. And if this is something that's really important to you, that matters to you, I promise that you can find a way to fit it in. And again, I gave that reminder there in the middle that if you're going through a hard time and it's feeling stressful, it's okay. There are seasons and times for everything. For the amount and type of service that you do, it ebbs and flows for every person. And that is completely okay. So give yourself grace. That study I mentioned at the beginning, the good Samaritan study, I think I would call it the what it means to be human study. Right. We've all got situational factors that are affecting our lives and affecting the good that we want to do. That's normal. That's called being a human and experiencing a normal life. And so give yourself grace in the process and be kind to yourself and the efforts that you're making and recognize the good that you are already doing. Because I think especially if you're listening to a podcast like this, if you choose to press play, you're a person that cares about doing good, and I'm sure there is so much good that you are already doing. So don't forget to acknowledge that and to just give yourself grace in the process. We're all learning. We're all working together. These are all things that I'm still working on myself. It can be really hard at times to be doing a podcast on service and talking about it all the time. And there are times I'm like, oh man, I need to be doing more of that advice that I'm giving, right? But I have to give myself grace. And we're all in this journey together. We're all trying to do good. We can choose to put into our lives those good things that we want to do. So I hope some of those tips were helpful. I hope these thoughts were inspiring to you. And again, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic because I think it's a pretty interesting one that I could probably gab about with just about anyone, so feel free to share those. I will leave my email in the show notes and of course, there are links to the social media for the podcast in the show notes as well. Thank you so much for listening. I'll see you next time.