72. Ashlee Taylor with ‘The Refuge Utah’ and Empowering Survivors of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault

Ashlee Taylor has worked with nonprofits for her entire career and she now serves as the Executive Director of The Refuge Utah, a center that assists victims and survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. This can be a sensitive topic to cover, but I think an essential one as well. I really appreciated the ways Ashlee shared about the variety of services they offer, the real needs their center is actively fulfilling in their community, and even the stories of some of the people they’ve been able to help. I love how Ashlee shares that one of her biggest why’s for what she does is to better her community by strengthening families, and helping to make sure more children can grow up in homes that are healthy and safe.

Listen to this interview to learn more about the good and necessary work The Refuge does and the many different ways they fulfill their mission of empowering those who come to them for help.

Links mentioned in the episode:
The Refuge Utah Website
The Refuge Utah Instagram
The Refuge Utah Facebook

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Transcript

Melissa: Ashley Taylor has worked with nonprofits for her entire career, and she now serves as the executive director of the Refuge Utah, a center that assists victims and survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. This can be a sensitive topic to cover, but I think an essential one as well. I really appreciated the ways Ashley shared about the variety of services they offer, the real needs their center is actively fulfilling in their community and even the stories of some of the people they been able to help. I love how Ashley shares that one of her biggest whys for what she does is to better her community by strengthening families and helping to make sure more children can grow up in homes that are healthy and safe. Listen to this interview to learn more about the good and necessary work the refuge does and the many different ways they fulfill their mission of empowering those who come to them for help. Welcome to the Do Something More podcast, a service oriented show where we highlight the helpers who inspire us all to do something more. I'm your host, Melissa Draper. Thank you so much for being here. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. And today we get to learn about the meaningful and well needed work that the organization, the refuge Utah does. The refuge is formally known as the center for Women and Children in Crisis. They provide a safe, caring, and therapeutic environment to assist in the recovery of survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking. I know this can be a sensitive conversation, but I think it's one that's good to be educated on and to be aware there are these organizations available and the good work that they are doing to help those that need it. And so I want to welcome to the podcast the executive director of the Refuge, Ashley Taylor. Ashley, welcome.

Ashlee: Thank you. Thank you so much for having me.

Melissa: I want to just start off with you introducing yourself a little bit and then go into introducing the refuge and just some of the work, work that you do.

Ashlee: So I am the executive director at the refuge Utah. I've been in this role for about two and a half years, but with the agency for six. And I've worked in nonprofits for my entire career. Just been really focused on trying to do something that affects my community and that has an impact on the people that I see around me every day. So the refuge util was a perfect fit for me, being able to really see the impact that it can have on survivors and their families and the community as a whole. So the refugee Utah, we empower survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault, and we have several services that do that, one that most people think about when they especially think about domestic violence services is an emergency shelter. So we shelter that individuals that are fleeing domestic violence can stay in along with their children for. We say it's a target 30 day stay. So we extend that and look at that depending on the situation and what resources they have. But it's meant to be short term, just as they're fleeing domestic violence. We have other housing assistance that includes transitional housing that's for anywhere from six months up to two years, as well as some permanent supportive housing. And we have temporary rental assistance to help individuals get into permanent, safe, secure housing and help lessen the burden of being able to secure that for the first few months. We also have advocacy, support individuals. We have our team that are on the phones 24/7 our hotlines are available at any time. They can call and speak with someone and talk through their situation and talk through resources and things that are available. Our advocates can meet with individuals to help them talk through not only their situation, but maybe what it looks like with the legal system or the justice system and help them understand what some of their rights are, what some of their options are, the resources that are available to them in the community. We have hospital response team. So a team of individuals that will go to the hospital and they'll be with victims while they're receiving a forensic exam that often happens after a sexual assault. And they're there to help walk them through, provide them resources, even provide them clothing, as sometimes that's taken into evidence, and making sure that they're understanding the resources that are available to them, making sure that the paperwork is filled out so that the exam will be at no cost them and won't charge their insurance. And just to help bring a little bit more peace of mind to as they're going through this traumatic experience in the hospital setting.

Melissa: Right.

Ashlee: We also offer therapy. We have both group and individual therapy. It's short term therapy to help them deal with the trauma and the crisis they've been going through. And then we also have our educational support classes. So those are free and open to the public. For anyone wanting to learn more about maybe boundaries or different topics relating to sexual assault and domestic violence, maybe either for themselves or for a loved one to help better know how they can support them and support them as they're going through a hard time. We also have our prevention services. We have a prevention team that will go out in the community and give presentations about healthy relationships and safe dates to help try and educate. Especially, we focus on youth because they grew up in a household where they weren't a model of a healthy relationship, you don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. So helping them to understand, what does that look like? And maybe it's not even in a dating setting, but just in friendships. What is a healthy relationship and what are the markers of a healthy relationship and how can you have those and help set boundaries with other individuals so that you can just have healthy relationships all around you?

Melissa: Right. And as the mother, teenagers right now, even those that grow up with, hopefully parents that model it still need that instruction and help and to learn. So I, that's great that you have that prevention side. Well, as you went through all those services you offer, I saw on your website into the thousands, the hours of advocacy in a year alone, the hotline calls that you take, and I think they just really illustrate for anyone that thinks that that isn't an issue in their community. Those numbers really show that, yes, unfortunately, there are many that you are serving that are going through these experiences.

Ashlee: Yeah, unfortunately, we just see the need continuing to grow. I mean, the population, especially in Utah county, continues to grow, but the need for the services continue to grow, unfortunately.

Melissa: So those are lots of different areas that you help and that you offer that support. How do victims find you? How do you get your information out into the community so that those that want to find that support and help or want to help a family member find it can find out about you and what you do?

Ashlee: That's always changing. Right. We always try to match where are people looking for information and where can we make sure to get in front of the people that might need that? Most often we get referrals from law enforcement and from law enforcement victim advocates. So they may be working with someone in that situation and then they give them the information for our services. So we work really closely with them for those referrals. We also work with other. Sometimes it's a doctor's office that has the information there because they know of a situation that's happening. Or sometimes school counselors, they've got the information so that they can pass that along, or therapy offices where they know that that might be going on in someone's life and they can give them those resources. We try and attend a lot of different community events, community fairs, just so that people know that we existed, because that's the hard thing, right. Is we hear too many times people come back to us, especially people that come back to us to volunteer and say, I wish I would have known about you when I had this situation happen. And that's never what we want to hear. Right. We want to make sure everybody knows that we exist, whether they ever need us or they know someone that needs us, that they know where they can turn to and where they can get help.

Melissa: Absolutely. Well, on your website, you also had some beautiful testimonials of some of the women that have been aided and helped by your experience. And again, I know that this is a sensitive topic that we're talking about, but do you have any of those kind of stories or experiences you can share, either that you've seen yourself or that others have shared with you?

Ashlee: Yeah. One particular comes to mind. We have a board member who was a survivor of domestic violence, and she actually received services from us years ago, and she came back and wanted to give back and get involved and help other people. So she's now serving on our board. Her story, though, she had been involved with her partner for, since they were in high school, so they met very young. So she's really passionate, too, about getting into those high schools to make sure that they know about healthy relationships because she said, I met him so young, and this relationship just kind of snowballed. Right. And it starts out very small and gets more and more into that cycle of power and control. Right. Where one individual is really trying to take over that power from another. And in her situation, unfortunately, it became not only financially abusive, very emotionally and mentally abusive, but became very physically violent and physically abusive as well. And she, she was almost, I don't want to say typical example, but an example where she did try and leave, there was an incident where police were called, and she didn't feel like she had the resources to leave. She didn't feel like there were really a path that was clear for her to leave and ended up going back. And there's so many reasons why individuals go back to these relationships. Right. And then she realized when she went back that if she didn't do something soon, that he would likely kill her. And it came to a situation where it became very violent, and she was very afraid for herself and her children. And police were called. And it was at that point that the victim advocate said, let's get you in contact with the refuge. And she reached out and, of course, was scared and didn't know what the situation would be and what she needed and what that would look like. But in her situation, we were able to work with her as her abuser was arrested, so he was in jail, and she. But she needed to find something that was permanent for her and her children, and we were able to help her within six days, be able to get rental assistance and get into a permanent home for her and her children. And she says that that's really what made it possible for her to start the healing process and to be able to move on with her children and build a new life because she had that security appall and wasn't afraid to be able to really put down her roots and then start to work on all the other things that she needed to do for herself and her children. So she's a wonderful example of just her strength and the little bit of assistance, little bit of empowerment that she needed to be able to move on to this new phase in her life. She actually recently got married and recently gave birth to twins about a month ago. So she's a really great example and speaks out a lot about her experience because she also knows that it's important to hear those experiences so that people can realize maybe what they're going through and that there is a situation, there is hope, there are similar situations out there to be able to draw on that strength from other survivors and be able to move towards whatever choice they want to make in their lives. But being able to hear other people speak about it gives a little bit more strength to them to be able to see that there are choices they can make.

Melissa: Right. Bringing it out into the light helps them to make those decisions forward. Well, as you shared that story that has gratefully come full circle for her now with her beautiful twins, I had a few thoughts first there at the end that it's often you have to meet those physical needs. Those physical needs. Sometimes we don't always think of that in traumatic situations like this. It's really difficult for someone to even have the courage to keep moving forward or to get the foothold that they need to start the emotional and more mental healing that they need until those physical needs are met.

Ashlee: Right, exactly. I think a lot of times you hear kind of the phrase, why didn't they just leave? Right. It seems so simple from the outside of why wouldn't they just leave that situation? But that's a huge one. Right. The safety and security of having a roof over your head and your children's head that you don't know what that looks like in the future if you do try and leave. We had a great person within our organization that recently compared it to being in a job that you don't love. Right. Right. People can relate to that, that they stick it out in a job that they don't love. And it's the same question of, well, when you ask, why don't you just leave? Oh, well, there's safety, there's security, there's fear of the unknown. There's, you know, all these things. And it's the same situation in an abusive relationship. There's so many things that can keep you there and so many reasons that keep you in that relationship that makes it really difficult to leave.

Melissa: Right? Yeah. And that kind of goes to another thing I thought about when you shared that story of how she was young in high school and how often it starts small, and so how important it is for you or as parents or in schools to educate and teach what that healthy relationship looks like. And you can get. I know someone can get so far into that that they don't even realize, oh, oh, my gosh, these things are not okay. And it is okay for me to say they're not okay. And that that is good education and empowerment and information to share. Even if we think someone might already know that maybe they've been so far in an experience that that has been lost to them.

Ashlee: And like you said, it starts so little and then builds up. Right. So it's not just that immediately all of these things are happening, which maybe someone would say, yeah, this isn't okay. This is not a relationship I want to be a part of. But they're little by little. Right. And that they kind of get bigger from there and can become more and more harmful. So, yeah, learning how to set those boundaries and whatever your boundaries are going to be, being able to set those and have those in relationships at a young age is really, really important.

Melissa: Yep. Important for all of us to know those skills so well. Were there any other stories that you wanted to share?

Ashlee: We recently celebrated our 40th anniversary. So we were founded in 1984. Oh, wow. And we had a celebration and we invited a few. We had a few survivors that were really great and wanted to come forward and share some of their stories. And that was wonderful to hear because it is very personal and it is a very personal thing for each individual, but having them share that strength. We had a survivor of sexual assaults share their experience about having a friend that knew about the refuge and said, you can go to the hospital, you can get this exam. Cause a lot of people don't realize that or don't know that that's an option. Decided to go. And then just the way that that changed their trajectory of being able to be connected with resources, getting the physical care that they needed after the assault, but also the emotional and the support with mental health and all of those other pieces that fit in just the way that it really changed their view of what had happened to them and then how they could process that moving forward. So that was another great example of just seeing somebody in the community that just knew about the resource, that. That really affected someone else because they were able to share that and give them those options and let them know that they had options and they had choices.

Melissa: Yeah, I think that just goes back to kind of what we talked about before, and I think that might be what's a little unique about your organization is many nonprofits might sometimes more provide physical needs or sometimes more provide those emotional needs, and yours is doing both. You're right on the front lines, providing both sides of that equation.

Ashlee: Yeah. I mean, we've realized just how important what we talk about kind of being wraparound services. Right. And helping to address both, because it's hard. You can't really address one thing without having secure housing to work on, you know, anything with maybe mental health. But then on the other side, if you have, it's hard to do one without the other. Right. Because you're worried about one, or you can't address one without addressing the other. Just being able to offer those wraparound services, we realize is a really important thing for the survivors that we see.

Melissa: Right. And I don't know, maybe you touched into this a little bit. Most of what I'm hearing is this support for these women. Do you offer also services for their children they might have or for other members of the family?

Ashlee: With our hospital response team, a lot of times they will have, a survivor will have gone to the hospital with someone. Right. Maybe it's a. A friend or a family member or a roommate. And we will actually send two advocates. So one can always be with the victim as they're receiving that exam, but one can go be with that other support person, and they have a specific packet of information just to let them know. How can you best support this person as they're going through this? It talks about some of the myths and some of the things that they might see as the person. Common ways, common reactions to trauma, because we don't know it. Right. We don't see it often, and we don't know that that's a common response. And so you see them respond in a very different way, and you're thinking, well, why don't you? It's very easy to say, well, why don't you just, you know, x, y, z? But that can be even more harmful. Instead of understanding, wow, you're going through something really traumatic. And working through that. So that's okay if you react this way or it's okay that, you know, you want to be over here in this area for a little while and then move on to this other place. And just having a better understanding of that, I think makes it more impactful that they're not just getting support from another outside agency, but they're getting that same support from their own network, their own network of friends and family and those that they've trusted to be in that circle as they're going through this traumatic event.

Melissa: Right.

Ashlee: Those that are staying in our shelter or transitional housing, we do have children's services on site because we know that's really hard, that they've been through a traumatic experience and even the trauma of having to move to someplace temporarily. Right. And they're in a new place. There's other people around and trying to understand what that looks like. So we have a children's program there, and our children's program coordinator is one of the best there is. But she plans these great activities for them to just give them some normalcy and some support and then they can have fun with other kids. And all throughout the summer she does these day long programs while they're out of school and plans field trips every Friday so that they can just some fun, right. And just be kids and have fun and not have to be so focused on the trauma that they're going through, but be able to just have fun and be kids. Then we do have some support groups and some specific children's therapy group so that they can do, again, some play activities, but there's a little bit of therapy that's going on there as well, too. So they can help process a little bit of what's happening and gain some skills and some tools so that they can help as they're going through different emotions that they can help cope with those.

Melissa: Well, we've talked about those advocacy hours and your housing and therapy. I just want to talk for a little bit about your hotline. So you take a lot of calls with that. How does that work exactly? How do you staff it? How does all of that work?

Ashlee: We have two different hotlines. We have one hotline that's specifically for those seeking services after sexual assault and then one specifically for domestic violence. Last year, between the two hotlines, we had almost 3000 calls. So there's just calls that are coming in constantly to both of those hotlines. With our sexual assault hotline, our hospital response team advocates, those are the ones that are answering that call. So we have volunteers. We have over 120 trained volunteers that are on that hotline, and they're also the ones that will go out to the hospital for those forensic exams. So they're on that hotline very specifically trained in sexual assault so that they can know the intricacies of what's going on with the sexual assault victim. And then on our domestic violence side, we have, it's actually the staff that is at our shelter, so because oftentimes they're looking for shelter, so they're going to talk them through what that process is, see if there's room, be able to clear them for that, if that's an appropriate situation for them. But otherwise, just answering questions, sometimes it's somebody calling on behalf of someone else, right. That they see someone that's in a situation and want to know how can I help them or how can I support them, or what resources can I even tell them that are available to them. So answering a lot of those types of questions and then doing a lot of safety planning. So if it is someone that is in a domestic violence situation, sometimes they're ready to leave, sometimes they're not. But doing safety plan no matter what of what does that look like? And making sure that you're safe if you have children, that they're going to be safe. And talking through what does a safety plan look like for you and your situation?

Melissa: Wow. Yeah, a lot of good services. And you mentioned how you have over 100 volunteers on the other end of that. How does someone go about doing that if that's something they felt called or pulled to do, to volunteer in that way?

Ashlee: Yeah, absolutely. So we use our volunteers both on the hospital response team, and we have volunteers at our shelter. Oftentimes they're working with our children's group or doing some other things around our shelter. Both types of volunteers have to go through a background check, which includes fingerprinting and then training. So anywhere from 24 to 40 hours of training before they start. So we do ask for at least a six month commitment because we know there's so much training involved and want to make sure that they're are able to really fulfill that need that we have in volunteers. But they're able to sign up on our website if that's something they're interested in on therefugeutah.org, and they can fill out the application there. And then our team will reach out to them, let them know what our needs are, see if it's a good fit for them, and then go through that orientation and there's a little bit of a process that we want to interview the individuals, make sure that it's a really good fit for them because we want them to have a great experience and we want to make sure that the survivor is reaching out to us. Have someone that's really committed and knowledgeable on the other end of those phone calls or on the children's group or wherever they might be volunteering.

Melissa: Right. Have the support that they need. What is the biggest why? This might seem an obvious question for an organization like yours because of all that you're able to do. But for you, what do you repeatedly find is the biggest why for what you do and why you choose to work where you do?

Ashlee: Think everybody, we talk about this a lot. Everyone knows someone, right? When you sit back and think about it, someone recently was having a conversation with someone, they're like, oh, no, I don't. I've never really known someone that has gone through domestic violence. And then as they were talking, they're like, oh, wait, actually this person was in that kind of a situation. So I think everybody knows someone. It affects everyone. It affects the whole community. And for me, I wanted to do, I wanted to work in a field where it was really bettering the community around me. And I think that happens oftentimes through strengthening families. Right. And being able to give children the opportunity to grow up in a healthy home and be able to set up the next generation, to be able to do great things and to have a great, safe community. And I think that starts, this is a great place to start, right. Making sure that individuals have resources so that they can get out of abusive situations and can really get on the path to have healthy relationships, healthy homes and giving children the opportunity to grow up in a healthy situation and be able to really make a difference as they go on through their lives.

Melissa: Right. You're really helping them start build those foundations. Well, I always love to end every episode because we have listeners from all over with just general encouragement and advice. So I think there are domestic violence shelters and sexual assault advocacy groups pretty much in every community. And so I'm sure people could find and help with those. But what general advice would you give for that? If someone's feeling pulled or wants to help and volunteer in that way, and maybe sometimes just the things they could donate in their community, maybe if they don't have the time or also any advice for someone that wants to help someone they care about and love get the help that they need.

Ashlee: Yeah. Like you said, there is a rape crisis center, a sexual assault center, a domestic violence shelter in every community. So reach out, find the local organization that is in your community and see what they need. Sometimes volunteers are needed. Sometimes, like you said, donations are needed. Sometimes that monetary support is a huge, can make a huge impact in making sure that they can provide more services to more individuals. So just reaching out and seeing what they need, I know that makes the biggest impact when we have people reach out and say, what are you in need of right now? And we can give them changes. Right. So ask that. We can say, yeah, right now we have a need for this, but then in two months, we have a totally different need. So just having those individuals that want to get involved reach out and see what the need is at the time. I think for anyone that is going through a situation or maybe is even unsure of what their situation is, maybe they recognize that it's not the most healthy, but maybe not realizing that it is. I think oftentimes we think of domestic violence as violent, right. It has to be physical, but domestic abuse can take a lot of different forms. And so thinking about maybe the situation there is they're in and having the courage to reach out, there are people that are there on the other side of the phone waiting and want to answer those questions. Right. So sometimes we hear from people, well, I, I'm not in that bad of a situation, or it's never become physical. So they don't feel like somehow the services are for them, but they are, they are there for everyone and there are people that are here specifically to talk to them and they want to hear from them. So hopefully giving them that empowerment, that courage to just reach out and talk about it. Even if they don't want to go into a lot of details, maybe they just have questions or they want to know what are the resources that are out there. But there are a lot of resources and there's a lot of people that are out there to just to help answer questions and then allow them to really be empowered to make the choices they want to make. But we don't want anyone to ever feel stuck because they don't have all of the resources and all the options that are available to them. And if they can't find their local center or that's difficult to find, there are national hotlines and they'll redirect them and they'll get them in connection with who's closest to them. But there's always someone on the other side of the phone that's ready to help and ready to answer questions.

Melissa: I love that you point that out and that's had the training and the help to do that. Because I know for me myself, if I had a loved one or someone I cared about, I might not know exactly or have the answers. I might feel a little helpless on how to guide and direct them. And so it's so good to know that there are a community resources out there and people that do know. And it's simple phone call. You can do that and then decide from there what you want to do or the choices that you need to make. But a phone call is a choice that anyone can make and do.

Ashlee: And I know, too, I mean, we've tried to change over the years, too, because phone calls can be scary, right? To pick up a phone and actually talk to someone. But there's ways that you can contact us online. You know, there's an email form that you can fill out. There's email addresses, there's text message. We have text message options. So there's lots of ways that hopefully will make someone feel comfortable just to reach out.

Melissa: Right. To have the courage to do it. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. I love that, too. Well, Ashley, this has been a great conversation. Do you want to just end by sharing where people can find you so if they want to learn more about the refuge or donate or get involved with your organization?

Ashlee: Yeah, our website is the refugeutah and we're also on social media, on Instagram and Facebook at the refugeutel.

Melissa: That's great. I will leave links to all of those in the show notes. So thank you so much, Ashley, for taking the time to come on the podcast and educate and help us learn more about these vital organizations in our community.

Ashlee: Thank you so much. This was so great to talk with you.

Melissa: That was my interview with Ashley Taylor, the executive director of the Refuge Utah. And I was really impressed about all the many services she talked about, the many ways that they support and give assistance and encouragement to these victims and survivors, as she said, of sexual assault and domestic abuse. I know this can be a tender topic, but I really appreciate the way, again, that she shared some of those stories of people that they've helped and also got into some of the real specifics of what they do and how what they're doing is helping and assisting. And even some of those numbers, which can be hard to hear, that was hard to hear that they take over 3000 phone calls on their hotlines each year. That's how many phone calls she said they took last year. But they are really doing good work and providing those necessary services to their community. Something else I wanted to mention that stood out to me as I relistened to this interview is really highlighted in a phrase that she shared there near the end, and it was this quote she said, we empower them to make the choices they want to make. Speaking of these survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence, I thought that was a really powerful quote. And I noticed that throughout the whole interview how it seems everyone in their organization is not there to tell these individuals what to do. They are there to support them in the choices they need to make. And as she said in that quote, the choices they want to make. And obviously I'm not an expert in this area like Ashley is, but that really stuck out to me because I think that's important. I think about these individuals, that many of them have had choices taken away from them because they've been victims, because they are survivors. They might have felt stripped away at times of the choices that they wanted to make. This organization is showing them that they do still have the right to choose, and then their organization is also empowering them and showing them that they can make the choices they need to make moving forward. They can make those good choices to help them progress and heal and improve their situation, whatever it might be. And then, as she also, of course, shared there near the end that there are people waiting and wanting to help every step of the way. I just think that's a really beautiful message as I listened to this interview that impacted me and was a beautiful reminder. So I will share links to their website and social media in the show notes. So if you want to learn more about the refuge, Utah, and about the good work they're doing, or if you're interested in becoming a volunteer or donating or getting involved in any way, you can check them out. And I also want to leave a reminder here that you can support the podcast by sharing this episode with someone, someone you think that might benefit from the information that was shared here today, or leaving us a review, or following us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. And as always, I hope this week you can find a way to do something more to help lift, inspire, or make a difference.