104. The Power of an Invitation: Why Being an Inviter Matters and How to Do It

Have you ever stopped to think about the power behind a simple invitation?

In this episode I share why being an inviter—someone who reaches out, includes, and connects—matters more than ever in today’s lonely world.

You’ll hear how small, sincere invitations can change lives, what often holds us back from inviting, and three simple ways to make inviting and connecting a natural part of your everyday life.

Whether it’s lunch, a walk, or a birthday party—your invitation might mean more than you know.

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Transcript

Melissa: On this episode of the podcast, my hope is that you leave with the encouragement,

the excitement to extend an invitation to someone in your life.

I go over the why of invitations, why they matter, why they're important,

and I have some tips I'm going to share to make inviting more natural part of your life, to help you get past some of those barriers that you might have that keep you from inviting.

And of course, at the very end, I share a touching and personal story on how I learned the true power invitations can have.

Stick around to the very end and be inspired and encouraged for how you can make inviting a way to serve in your life.

Welcome to the Do Something More podcast. The show all about service where we highlight the helpers who inspire us all to do something more.

If you're passionate about nonprofits or looking for simple ways to volunteer and give back to the causes that matter to you,

this is the podcast for you.

I'm your host, Melissa Draper.

Stick around and I'll show you all the many ways anyone can truly make a difference in our world today.

Hello and welcome to this episode of the podcast. And today it's a solo episode with just me, your host, Melissa Draper.

And as usual with these solo episodes, I'm using it to teach you a simple way you can make some type of service a natural part of your life.

And today we are talking about something that is deceptively simple but powerful.

Serving others by being an inviter.

Whether it's inviting someone to lunch,

to a workout class, to church, to a networking event, or just into a conversation,

being brave enough to be the person who extends the invitation can literally change lives and truly make a difference in our world today.

So in this episode,

we'll talk about, number one, why being an inviter matters more than you think.

Two, what holds people back from inviting others to help you get over those barriers when you want to invite.

And number three, I'm going to give you some simple tips for how you can get better at inviting or even make it a natural part of your life.

So here we go.

Let's talk about the power of the invite. Serving others with the power of invitation.

So, of course, I wanted to start with the why.

Why being an inviter even matters.

Here's the truth.

Most people are waiting to be invited.

We all want to feel seen, included, and wanted.

But few of us are bold enough to take that first step.

Being an inviter is about more than scheduling get togethers.

It's about creating connection and belonging in a world where people often feel isolated.

I was Just talking about this with one of my kids the day other, other day they had had the thought to invite a friend to do something with them, but it was someone they hadn't invited before.

So naturally they were feeling a little self conscious and worried about it.

And I acknowledged to that child that inviting is vulnerable. People can tell you no,

or it is common to worry if the person you're reaching out to actually wants to join you, spend time with you.

But I followed those ideas up by telling them. The reality is our world is having less and less people willing to invite,

willing to be the gatherers of people.

Even with adults, I see it,

we need more people who are willing to take the step to invite, who will have courage to reach out and build those bridges,

work towards those kind of relationships.

People who can look around and outside of themselves and see who needs to be brought in and included.

In 2023, the US Surgeon General declared a loneliness epidemic in our society.

Now we very much need the healing effects of social connection and community.

Now, one could argue there are a lot of reasons for why loneliness is plaguing our society today.

And so of course there's lots of ideas or solutions for how we can go about fixing that.

But I truly believe that one simple and doable way we can help is by being an inviter. At their core, invitations are an act of love.

Many invitations naturally come because we want to include others in the good things happening in our lives.

So some invitations are simpler, but usually there is joy and anticipation that comes with an invitation.

We can all have a part in spreading that joy and sense of belonging right now, in our own circles and neighborhoods and communities.

Every person needs to feel loved.

We all need to feel like we have friends who want to spend time with us and will help us in life and encourage us.

We can be that friend.

We can be the one to reach out.

We can invite.

And I want to just add here a little side note, that inviting isn't about being outgoing or cool or the life of the party.

It's about being intentional.

So invitations communicate value. You're saying to someone, you matter enough that I want you there or I want to spend time with you.

Inviting builds community.

Every strong community starts with one simple invitation,

and inviting transforms both people.

The inviter grows,

encourage, and the ability to invite.

And the invited feels seen and loved.

So hopefully I've convinced you at least a little bit of why you should want to work on inviting people more regularly in your life or, or to want to serve in that way by inviting people but if inviting is that powerful,

why don't we do it more often?

Most of us want to invite others. I think we just don't.

So here are some of the barriers that I came up with that might keep you from inviting more often.

Number one, of course, is that fear of rejection. What if they say no? What if they don't want to hang out with me?

Those feelings are real. I've definitely experienced them myself.

But I've also learned not to take every rejection too personal.

Sometimes the other person has a lot on their plate and they're busy, or they are in a survival mode stage and they need to conserve their energy for the essential things.

Or sometimes accepting gives them as much anxiety as inviting gave you.

And if the answer is they truly don't want to spend time with you, move on to the next person who does. I promise you, there is someone who would love to get your invitation.

The point is, we don't always know the reason why someone might say no.

But we don't have to take it personal.

We can keep inviting. I actually learned that skill in particular from my oldest son.

He is the best, best example to me of repeatedly inviting people and not taking no as a rejection. He's a freshman in college right now,

but almost every activity he did in high school,

informal ones and formal ones,

he was inviting people to join him. The extracurriculars that he did, cross country, debate team, track,

he reached out and invited others to join. There were people on all of those teams that were there because of the invitation he gave them. And he was sincere about those invitations.

He truly thought that they would excel in it or that they would really enjoy it. And so he invited them,

and if they told him no, he'd try again another time.

He's been a great example to me of just giving a sincere invite and not taking a no too personally. Another barrier that we can have that prevents us giving invitations is overthinking.

We make it too complicated.

There's all the what ifs that we like to circulate. What if it's awkward?

What if they don't have fun?

I don't know if I can get my house cleaned enough to invite someone over.

And I've learned we can't be consumed by those worries.

Most of the time we have to just step forward and give it a try.

And we have to do before we actually see things starting to work out towards what we want to accomplish.

Something my husband has often said to me when we're inviting people over or planning those types of things is if you feed people well,

they'll always think they had a good time.

Which makes me laugh because that statement is so him. But it's not really just about food. He said that to give me a little gentle nudge at times and to help give me a kind and somewhat humorous reminder to not stress too much about all those what ifs.

If people are enjoying themselves or if they had a good time, or if they want to come all of those things.

Let people come and just be part of things. Part of your life,

part of your family, part of your home.

Even if it's a little messy. Sometimes people don't need the perfect house or the perfect party. What they really need is connection,

and many times specifically connection with you.

I will say that the people you've thought to invite might need that connection that you can give them.

So put those worries aside and invite them in.

One more barrier I wanted to go over quickly is assuming others are busy. And the truth behind that is everyone's busy, but everyone's also looking for meaningful connection.

We've all made time for things that matter, and calendars are a beautiful thing too.

When you invite, if you have to do it a month or even two months in advance to work with both of your schedules,

that's okay.

Those invitations can matter too.

So I want to give this mini insight before we move on to the last part where I shared these tips that I have for you on inviting.

Remember, many people are far lonelier than they appear.

Your invitation might be exactly what they need but didn't know how to ask for.

So throw aside all those thoughts keeping you from extending the invitation.

Give it a try.

Give that simple invite.

So finally on this last part of the podcast,

want to help you put all these ideas into action. How can we get better at inviting?

How can you make it a more natural part of your life?

Let me give you a few tips.

And this is coming from someone who myself. I've had to work at this. This is not a skill I have as naturally as others,

but it's been worth it to work on it and to make inviting a regular part of my life.

So number one, first tip. Start small and genuine.

Don't overthink it.

Begin with low pressure invites, a walk,

a lunch, a phone call. And you can be casual.

You can say, hey,

I was thinking of going out to grab lunch this week sometime. Want to join me?

Or hey, I noticed you are out walking in the mornings. I love to do that too.

Would you like to go together sometime?

Or my family is having a pizza and watching a movie on Friday night.

Would your family like to join us?

Remember,

sincerity beats formality. It does not have to be a big formal thing. It can be simple.

Also, I want to add here,

as you're being genuine,

be specific in your invitations.

So I have done the general throw it out on Facebook somewhere saying who wants to come to this or who wants to do this?

And waiting.

And then lots of times it's crickets.

And then for a minute I felt like a loser because nobody responded to my invitation.

Those have not been successful for me. Maybe they are for others, but they haven't never really been successful for me. What has been successful is when I've been more specific.

When I've sent out a text or a message inviting a specific person,

that's when I've received the best response.

And not just inviting them specifically, but telling them why you thought of inviting them to that particular thing or to do that particular thing with you.

So be specific in these simple, genuine invitations.

Number two is my second tip. Make the invitation about them,

not about you. If there is someone especially you've had in mind to invite, focus on what they'd enjoy or benefit from.

So for example, I love reading and I love discussing books.

But I because of life, I haven't been to a book club in a long time. I used to have one I went to regularly years ago.

I haven't done that in a long time. So I can tell you right now, if I got an invitation to a book club or to discuss a book with someone,

I would most likely jump at that chance to do that. I love discussing books. That would be an invitation that would speak to my heart.

So think about that. What do they like? What will benefit them? What are the things that they are needing in their life right now?

So again, for example, you could say,

I think you'd really connect with the people at this event.

You should come.

Or I remember you mentioned wanting to get out more.

Want to come to this exhibit with me? When the invitation is about their growth,

their comfort or joy,

it just feels more natural.

And it can be fun. It's fun to get to know more about other people through their interests and what excites them. Here's my number three tip.

Last one.

Create a culture of inviting in your life.

So don't make it a one off thing. Make inviting part of your lifestyle.

Build routines around it.

Maybe it's a monthly dinner night where you invite a family over.

And also, I need to add a little side note here for the longest time I kept myself from doing that because at that particular time, the idea of doing a big dinner stressed me out.

And that was just the season of life I was in. It just felt like too much.

But I finally decided that dessert didn't.

So I would often, and I still do,

invite families or friends over for dessert.

So again, you can simplify it. It doesn't have to be as big and grandiose as you're thinking. Another routine or idea is to have a regular group hangout with friends or people in your neighborhood.

I love hearing about different neighborhoods that do these regular little,

like, Sunday nights, where it's a Sunday night and everybody brings ice cream and toppings and they have Sundays together. I've heard it about neighborhoods doing little regular things like that.

I love that idea. Or a regular hangout with your friends, whatever it might be.

Or you could even challenge yourself to do a new invitation every month.

So, again, this was something that I did.

This was after a particular stage in my life where I'd gone through some hard things and experiences, and I've kind of circled the wagons and closed myself in.

And I was feeling really lonely. And I had a real fear about reaching out to invite people to do something with me specifically.

So I gave myself the challenge. One year of inviting one new person each month to do something with me.

And it was different every time.

What we did,

the time of day, it was always different.

But I told myself when I began this goal that I wouldn't take no personally. Again, we talked about that,

and I would just make it a regular part of my monthly schedule.

I just knew I was going to do that each month. It was my goal.

So that helped me in so many ways get over some of those anxieties of being the one to invite and being vulnerable that way.

So you can make a simple goal like that, too. To help you extend more invitations,

you could, again, keep it simple,

do phone calls.

I love a good phone chat with someone, especially someone that doesn't live near me or I haven't seen in a while.

For myself, I come from a big family and I do like to try and make it a point to try and connect and chat with the members of my family and keep those relationships going with them.

It's great.

Those are really simple. And inviting someone to have a phone chat with you is not bad. It can be a great way to extend an invitation.

So the point of this,

of doing it in this regular way is that when inviting becomes a habit, you stop worrying about rejection.

It's just what you do.

And no matter how the other person responds, you do it again.

Because it's part of your life. It's part of who you are.

And I want to add just one more little bonus tip.

If you're still nervous thinking about the idea of inviting someone,

invite with someone else.

So team up to invite a third person or team up with someone to do a one time group thing and have two of you kind of plan it and put it together.

That shared effort lowers the pressure and sometimes even helps you multiply your reach and the power of your invitations.

So I just want to wrap up and conclude this awesome episode about being an inviter with a story for my 41st birthday almost two years ago,

I had the idea to throw myself a lunch party.

I hadn't really done anything like that before,

but even after getting the idea and feeling kind of excited about it, I still went back and forth because it would be a lot of work.

I wanted to do it during the day and I knew not everyone could come during the day that I knew. I did worry about if anyone would even want to come.

But I decided to throw aside all those worries and act on that good thought and throw myself this birthday party. And the whole intent of that wasn't to be about me and my birthday.

It really was to invite and connect with other people. I was feeling the need of connection in my own life and I was seeing so many women around around me that needed that same connection.

That's kind of what fueled this idea of doing this birthday party.

So I sent texts, I made phone calls, I even put up an invite on social media and it turned out great.

Many women came.

My mom and dad and sister, who live an hour and a half away, even came and surprised me.

And it was fun to see people from different areas of my life connecting with each other and to celebrate my birthday in that way.

And many of them told me thank you and that it meant something to get a personal invitation like that.

And finally I even got a text afterwards from a friend.

She hadn't been able to come, but she wanted to reach out to me and she said, melissa, I don't think I've been invited to a birthday party since I was 12 years old,

even though I couldn't come. Thank you,

thank you for making me feel special and letting me know that you think of me as a friend.

That sweet text and reminder from her is all I needed and what I have carried with me on the importance of inviting.

Being an inviter doesn't mean you're a party planner or a social butterfly.

It means you're someone who builds bridges,

who wants to connect with the people around you,

who realizes we could all use the opportunity to feel seen and known.

Inviting someone could be one of the best gifts you give them,

letting them feel like they're the kind of person worth inviting,

worth hanging out with,

worth being friends with and spending time with.

Take the challenge to be that for Somebody else.

So here is that challenge.

Think of one person, just one person you can invite to something simple in the next month.

Send that text.

Make that call.

Open that door.

Because the reality is,

every big connection, every great relationship usually started with just one small invitation.

Thank you so much for being here.

If you enjoyed this episode of the podcast, I want to invite you to share it with a friend.

Share it with someone else who you think could realize the power of an invitation in their life of giving invitations.

As always, I appreciate any ratings or five star reviews that you can leave. Those help the podcast be seen by more people looking for inspirational content like the kind I create here.

And of course this week I hope that you can find a way to do something more to help lift,

inspire,

or yes, invite someone and make a difference.